The Pros and Cons of Mindfulness

Recently in one of my mindfulness meditation groups, we discussed the meaning of being mindful vs mindless.  We agreed that they are both secular, mental techniques but with very different outcomes. We reviewed the definition of mindfulness as “paying attention on purpose, to the present moment, with openness, curiosity and a willingness to be with whatever comes up.”  As a group, we defined mindlessness as “doing things without thinking, being on automatic pilot, not paying attention, doing one thing while thinking about something else, being in habit-mode.”

The mindful practice of accepting things as they are, in the moment, without judgment, doesn’t mean one agrees with the way things are, nor does it imply a lack of motivation for change.  It’s more of a touchstone, a place to begin the process of personal growth and transformation.

Finally, we put together a pros and cons list for practicing mindfulness vs staying mindless (see below). I may be biased, but it seems like there is a huge amount of personal satisfaction that one can cultivate with healthy habits of the mind. What do you think?

Pros of Being Mindful: You can actually enjoy what you are doing. Your relationships are enriched. You can enjoy better connections and fewer misunderstandings with others because you actively listen, rather than allow your mind to wander elsewhere. You may build greater focus, attention, and a capacity to stay calm under pressure. You may feel more confident, more in control, and have greater participation in all areas of life. You may be able to tap in to gratitude, acceptance, and less judgment of the who, what, where, when, and whys of life. You may experience greater self and social awareness, two mental assets that help significantly in regulating mood and emotions.

Cons of Being Mindful: It takes work, practice, and personal effort. Its just another thing you should do. Sometimes, being more aware can actually increase personal frustration or judgment.  It doesn't always help. It won't make problems go away. 

Pros of Staying Mindless:  Its easier. You don't have to change. You can keep your "head in the sand." Sometimes there is an immediate satisfaction when acting on urges without considering consequences.

Cons of Staying Mindless:  If your mind is not in the present, it's likely stuck somewhere in the past, the future, or in constant evaluation of how things should be. You miss out on really meaningful moments in that are happening right now. You may experience more interpersonal conflict, more misunderstanding among family members, friends, and colleagues. Emotional reactivity thrives in mindlessness, often making problem solving difficult and challenging situations worse. Lack of self and interpersonal awareness affects social, emotional, academic, and occupational functioning. Mindlessness is missed opportunity in the making.

If you have any questions on the benefits of mindfulness practices, please feel free to email me at rjs0825@gmail.com

I’d love to hear from you.

Warm regards,

Rebecca

Mindfulness Group for Teens Starting Soon

Who says teens can't be mindful?

Adolescence is bursting with growth and maturation, yet for many teens, their internal world is one of insecurity, anxiety, and feeling disconnected.  These years may be challenging for many reasons, including peer pressure and a new level of emotional intensity.  But they are also a time of great courage, creativity, and personal exploration.

So how can teens make the most of their positive qualities, and navigate their internal and external worlds with greater confidence and stability? Mindfulness practices help teens understand themselves from the “inside out.”  By learning the art of staying grounded in the present, teens cultivate greater self awareness, a skill that matters significantly in regulating emotions, managing stress, and feeling better overall.

For any teen (age 15-18), who would like to experience the benefits of mindfulness, please consider joining my Mindfulness for Teens group. This 10-week group will run on Wednesday evenings, from October 4-December 6, from 5-6pm.  It will take place at my office at 910 Skokie Blvd, Suite 211, Northbrook, and the cost is $250. Based on practices from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and tailored to teens, each session will include a discussion about different aspects of mindfulness, time for Q&A, and a guided mindfulness meditation.

For more information, please contact me at 224-408-0115 or send me an email at rjs0825@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Rebecca Strauss, LCSW

www.thrivepsychotherapyllc.com

Toxic Thoughts… And How To Stop Them

“I’m not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough. I don’t deserve love, attention, recognition, friendship. I should be more popular, more successful, better organized, less afraid.”

These are toxic thoughts. They invade one’s thinking and feel very real. The only truth about them is that they are just thoughts, not facts. If you believe the famous adage, “what you think, you become,” toxic thoughts become a part of the self, affecting how we feel, and how we navigate through life. They encourage hiding behaviors, and prevent us from truly being seen and valued by others and ourselves.  

The question remains, how can you stop them? Our minds are designed to think, so stopping the process of thinking certainly isn’t an option. However cultivating an awareness of what you are thinking, in the moment, looking for evidence, and practicing a little gratitude begins the process of transformation from toxicity to truth, from depletion to potential, from hopelessness to possibility.

So pay attention to what you are thinking, and say to yourself, “I am enough. I have enough.”  Acknowledge what is really true and point your thoughts in the direction of gratitude, from everything that is wrong in your life, to being enough, to having enough, in this moment. 

Cultivating awareness with truth and gratitude doesn’t preclude you from making bigger changes in your life. It’s more about acknowledging what enough looks like for you right now.  When you consistently come from a place of being and having enough, you feel better and you interact with others more authentically. It’s an attractive quality in cultivating friendships, seeking romantic relationships, providing the responsiveness necessary for healthy child development, and in promoting professional growth. 

Practicing gratitude won’t change the real challenges in your life. Those issues need to be addressed with genuine grit and problem solving skills. Practicing awareness of thoughts, however, looking for evidence for what is true, and redirecting thoughts in the direction of gratitude is a great start.

Enough may be your bridge from toxic thinking to experiencing life with greater abundance overall.  

“I am enough. I have enough.”

“I am enough. I have enough.”

Three Sips of Air

There are many reasons we need to slow things down from time-to-time.  Perhaps you need to address an issue with someone with whom you have difficulties.  Maybe you are feeling anxious about a presentation you are about to make, a person you are about to meet, and you just need to gather up some needed reserves of wisdom or courage.  Or it may be that you just need to make space for momentary change.

Whatever the reason, give yourself the gift of “taking three sips of air.”

IH… a little… hold just a second

IH… a little more… hold just a second

IH… a little more to completely fill your lungs… hold just a second

Exhale, S – L – O – W – L – Y

Again..

IH… a little… hold just a second

IH… a little more… hold just a second

IH… a little more to completely fill your lungs… hold just a second

Exhale, S – L – O – W – L – Y

Repeat three more times for five complete rounds…

Be present, curious, and open to whatever unfolds. The mindfulness practice of “taking three sips of air” can create enough space for feeling stronger, more focused, and ready to engage with confidence.

The First Therapy Session: What a Therapist Thinks

Many individuals attend a first therapy session wondering what the experience will be like; others are well-versed in the therapeutic process from years of engagement with other providers. Either way, it is reasonable to assume that a therapist will want to know what brought you to therapy, why now, and what change you hope to accomplish from doing the work.  Hopefully, your concerns will be met with a responsiveness that makes you feel heard, understood, and open to the process that is about to unfold.

The following questions inform my thinking in first sessions with clients:

1. What brings you here today?  (your problem or concern)

2. Why now?

3. How often and in what ways does this problem impact your life?

4. Overall, how would you describe your moods?  (sad, mad, hopeless, or stuck)

5. What makes you feel better?  How have you coped in the past?

6. Have you ever been in therapy before? 

7. What is one thing you remember most about the time you spent with your previous therapist?

8. What positive changes would like to see in your life? 

9. How well do you get along with others?  (spouse, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues)

10. What are your strengths? 

11. What are your biggest areas of vulnerability?

12. What do you hope to achieve from the therapy process? 

13. How will you know when we are done? What will your life look like?

The process of psychotherapy helps individuals learn more about themselves and the way they experience their world.   It can support the development of healthy self–esteem, resiliency even in times of stress, and a greater capacity to thrive in all areas of social, emotional, academic, and occupational endeavors.

For a confidential phone consultation on how psychotherapy might provide benefits to you, please contact me at 224-408-0115, or email me at: rjs0825@gmail.com

Warm regards,

Rebecca Strauss, LCSW

The Stories We Carry

No one is immune from the experience of pain at some point in their life, but meditation practices may ease the mental suffering that often accompanies it. 

Pain can be experienced on a somatic level due to physical illness or injury, or experienced on the emotional level from depression, anxiety, grief and loss, self-criticism, peer or other relational pressures.  Pain is inevitable. Whether or not one suffers is another matter. 

The biggest difficulty is not the pain itself; it’s the story we carry about our pain that creates the most suffering. “I will never feel better.  This headache will never stop.  This feeling will never go away. I can’t do anything right.  I’m just not good enough.” Sound familiar?  From a mindfulness perspective, it's important to differentiate pain from suffering because how we relate to painful sensations, plays a powerful role in moderating our level of suffering, and ultimately, the quality of our life.

Mindfulness practices don’t change one’s physical or emotional pains, but they may provide a thinking environment that helps one tolerate difficulties with greater resilience.  Formal mindfulness practices, like meditation, train your mind to notice the uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations as they emerge. With awareness, one can choose how to respond to life’s struggles, rather than be consumed by patterned thoughts or behaviors that often make things worse.

Sitting in meditation for as little as 10 minutes a day can help change the stories you carry from those of hopelessness, to stories with a beginning, middle, and end.  Two of my favorite resources for mindfulness meditations are Headspace, a convenient phone app, and the guided meditation podcasts provided by the UCLA Mindfulness Research Center @ http://marc.ucla.edu/meditation-at-the-hammer

If you have any stories on how meditation practices have eased your suffering and improved the quality of your life, please let me know. I would love to hear from you at rjs0825@gmail.com

Warm regards,

Rebecca

The Gifts of Managing Family Screen Time...

Imagine giving your children the gifts of more creative play, more physical activity, connection with others, and the opportunity to learn from experiences besides the media.  Here are five tips to moderate your family's screen time that will help provide the sense of structure, consistency, and support that is so necessary for their healthy development:

1)   Kids learn from watching parents:  Model the behavior you want to see.

2)   Clarify what “screen time” means in your house:  Does it include time in front of TV, computers, video games, and/or tablets? Does it include all time spent in front of any screen, or just screen time after homework is complete?

3)   Decide on a schedule for screen time during the week and on the weekends:  "Device-free" meals are one great place to start. Some parents limit screen time on school days to 30 minutes, but will allow 2 hours on the weekends.  Other families have a "phone curfew," and collect cell phones before bed to encourage a good night's sleep. You have to decide what you are comfortable with and make sure everyone in your family is clear about what the plan means for them. 

4)   Pay-to-play options:  Some families tie different activities to screen time such as homework, chores, reading, practicing instruments, physical activity, etc.  For example:  Children have to complete all their daily chores, or all their homework, before engaging in leisurely screen time.

5)   Safety:  You will want to talk to kids about the risks of using technology such as experiencing violent or inappropriate content, cyber bullying, and internet addiction. Make sure they know what to do if they feel threatened in any way.  There are parental control apps that limit internet access, but keeping the lines of communication open with your children is the best way to keep them safe.

PRESS PAUSE .....

Press pause and breathe .... whenever you feel a sense of overwhelm by family challenges, peer pressure, demands at work, past regrets, future worries, or the stress from feeling “should upon” in many areas of your life.  

Throughout the day, pause and take a deep breath or two, not thinking about your breath but feeling your breath in your body. Perhaps give it a try, right now.  Take a long, slow inhale through the nose, feeling your chest expand..... and exhale s l o w l y through the mouth, feeling a sense of letting go.  Take another deep inhale, feeling the fullness of your breath as it fills your body, and exhale s l o w l y, feeling a gentle softening or release.  

Press pause and breathe .... as many times as you like during the day, and just notice how you feel afterward.  It might just feel something like, "ahhhhhhhh!"

“How Can Therapy Help Me?”

A helpful therapeutic relationship can make you feel more alive, more connected, and more secure. It can help you feel listened to and understood in ways that strengthen how you feel about yourself. It can help you tolerate stress with less distress. It can help you navigate significant transitions and work through feelings of sadness and loss. It can help you heal from toxic, deeply engrained effects of trauma and other early experiences. It can help you find your own voice and break down barriers that prevent you from achieving your true potential. It can help you gradually change longstanding patterns of thinking or behaving, and ultimately, improve the way you navigate life. 

If you are curious and motivated to do the work, therapy can be a challenging and very rewarding experience. For a free confidential phone consultation, please contact me at 224-408-0115, or email me at: rjs0825@gmail.com

How to Tame Your Inner Narrator...

Our minds are designed to think, wander off, and think again.  Whether or not you are aware of it, the human mind narrates constantly, thinking about what part of a project to tackle next, what to eat for lunch, or the best way to get from here to there. Sometimes the inner narrator is rather neutral, as in the previous examples. But for some, the inner narrator is full of criticism, anger, judgment, or comparison, leaving one stripped of hope, clear thinking, and the ability to live life to its fullest.

So how can you tame this inner narrator, and perhaps provide a buffer between thoughts of who you think you are and the real you?

Mindfulness practices can be this buffer. By noticing what’s happening in your mind (and body), moment-by-moment, you may not get as carried away by the stories you tell yourself. Just imagine what it would be like to notice anger as it emerges and not lose your temper, or notice unhelpful thoughts as they intrude, and not let them yank you around. Mindfulness practices make the act of noticing, sitting with, and letting go very possible.

To begin taming your inner narrator, start with a simple PAUSE, every once in awhile.  Notice what you are thinking or feeling in that moment, use your words to name it.  Ask yourself, “is this useful?”  If not, let it go.

#Tametheinnernarrator