Why Therapy Now?

Why now? Everyone has their unique reason for seeking therapy.

• You have difficulty regulating your emotions and its getting in the way of success at work.

• It feels impossible to trust anyone so you’re unable to cultivate and maintain meaningful relationships.

• People tell you that you are too defensive; you can’t take constructive criticism without anger, resentment, rage.

• Perhaps you’re always trapped in your head, rather than being an active participant in the life right in front of you.

• You feel stuck and unable to initiate change; something is blocking you from moving anywhere. But what?

• Or you have constant fears that others are staring at you, judging you, so you find yourself avoiding social situations altogether. Its getting in the way of your life.

• You feel like you need to be invisible in order to feel safe because life experiences have taught you this is how to survive.

• Or maybe you need to push feelings to the side, bury them, or disconnect, in order to survive. 

• Perhaps you feel uncomfortable in your own skin.

• Or you are feeling increasingly sad, isolating more often, and unable to find joy. 

• You are desperately afraid of rejection, and feel a sense of vague dread, or inner shame…  “Is there something about me, that if they knew, they wouldn’t like me anymore? 

Do any of these sentiments sound familiar?

To THRIVE means to be able to experience the fullness of everything in life. It includes being able to experience the giving and receiving of love and compassion. It means feeling safe enough to trust your own instincts and experience a sense of trust in others. It includes finding pleasure in your self, and in those around you. To THRIVE means connecting to your own sense of resiliency and repair when things don’t go the way you had hoped. It means to be able to manage negative emotions or distress without making things worse. To THRIVE means finding the courage to be vulnerable at times, to advocate for your self when necessary, and most of all, to initiate change in order to experience the life you genuinely deserve.

Therapy can help one get to know their self better, understand how it has come to be that you have certain obstacles, and how you can move forward in ways that feel right to you.

Wishing you all the best on this journey!

Warmly,

Rebecca Strauss, LCSW

So You've Decided to Start Therapy...

Choosing the right therapist can be a bit daunting, especially if you have never been in therapy before. After all, each individual who is called to this profession presents with their own therapeutic style, clinical experience, unique personality traits, early developmental history, social and emotional life, and often a theoretical framework that informs how they work with patients. So how do you know which therapist will be right for you?

Whatever brings you to therapy, it is most important to find someone who is a GOOD FIT. Determining goodness of fit has a lot to do with how you feel when you are with a therapist. Do they seem genuine and present? Do they convey a sense of truly listening, from inside your experience? Do you walk away feeling understood and not judged? Do you feel emotionally safe enough to trust this person?

Therapy is a collaborative process so there is no need to feel like you are the only one in the consulting room. It may take more than one session to determine whether or not a therapist is truly right for you. Regardless, you can get a sense of a good fit by asking questions and paying attention, on purpose, to how you feel in the process. The initial consultation is a good place to start.

 Here are a few questions that new patients often ask me during an initial consultation:

1. Can you explain what a therapy session is like with you?

2. How can therapy help me?

3. What if I can’t think of something to talk about?

4. How do I know that what we talk about is kept confidential?

5. How will I know therapy is working?

6. What is the length of each session?

7. What is your fee?

8. Do you accept insurance? Do you process the claims or do I have to do this?

9. How do I pay for services?

10. What is the best way to contact you?

There’s nothing like the present moment to begin the exploration of who you are right now and who you want to be for the rest of your life. I wish you all the best in this journey.

For a free, confidential phone consultation, please contact me at 224-408-0115, or email me at: rstrauss@thrivepsychotherapyllc.com

Choose Connection

Choose Connection

March 30, 2020:  Life is a little strange right now with the need to shelter in place, practice social distancing, repetitively wash your hands, and avoid touching your face in order to stay healthy and well. Human beings are designed to connect with others for optimum health and well-being and so our means of experiencing connection… looks a little different.

Thankfully technology has allowed many of us to virtually meet with others in new and creative ways: Virtual dance parties, cocktail parties, FAT nights (FAT = Food/Friends/Family Appreciation Time), work-from-home arrangements, ZOOM meetings or appointments, online play dates, academic learning, social media, online yoga/aerobic/meditation classes, and more.  I’ve switched my psychotherapy practice entirely to teletherapy at present, which has proven to be a very stabilizing option for those who wish to continue therapy during this most unusual time.

Whatever method/s of connection you choose, choose connection. Staying in touch with others is always an essential practice for maintaining your own physical and emotional health. And if there is someone you know who is more isolated, or perhaps doesn’t have adequate technology skills to connect virtually, reach out to them with a phone call, a written letter, or a thoughtful card. Old school ways of communicating are still viable options to let someone know they are important and in your thoughts.

Orienting...... A Natural and Powerful Anxiety-Reduction Practice

“The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention.” ~Sharon Salzburg

Anxiety is something that nature has provided human beings with to survive in dangerous situations. In prehistoric times, a felt sense of fear made one run faster from the charging tiger or react to any sign of danger more quickly. In more modern times, anxiety remains a fear-based emotion, but one largely related to fearing something specific that may happen in the future.

In spite of this development, it is possible to distinguish between healthy anxiety and unhealthy anxiety. Healthy anxiety helps one reach personal, professional, or academic goals. Its what gets one motivated to study extra hard for an exam, thoroughly prep for a job interview or important meeting. Unhealthy anxiety, on the other hand, will likely stop one from doing something that is perceived as too threatening, too dangerous, or just too difficult to tolerate. Unhealthy anxiety can be experienced in myriad ways such as persistent worry, racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, stomach aches, migraines, a pounding heart beat, obstructed breathing, the need to fight, freeze, or simply, run away. Do any of these experiences sound familiar to you?

So how can you tap into your own capacity and find more ease and resiliency, even when your experience of anxiety begins to get the best of you? Consider doing a little “orienting.” The simple act of looking around in your current space can have a calming effect on your nervous system. By paying attention, on purpose, to your actual surroundings, you provide an opportunity for your body to move from a “fight or flight” experience to a more balanced state. When you orient and look around, the actual movement of your head and neck, as well as the external focus of your eyes, stimulates neurotransmitters to send messages to the brain that all is well. Orienting is one way to help your nervous system naturally settle into a feeling of safety and relaxation.

Here is how you can “orient to the environment” and take control of anxiety before it takes control of you:

1. STOP. Take a pause, on purpose, from whatever you are doing.

2. Let your eyes wander freely, where ever they want to go.

3. Allow your head to move side-to-side, up and down. Pay attention, on purpose, to the space around you, including shapes, colors, textures, or whatever you are drawn to in that moment.

4. Notice how you are feeling in your body. You may already feel your breath naturally deepen, or feel a softening or sense of relaxation in your body.

5. If not, perhaps a little mindful breathing will help s-l-o-w things down. As you continue to orient, engage in 4/5 breathing. Inhale slowly for 4 counts. Exhale completely for 5 counts.

That’s it! There is really no specific amount of time to orient and no special place where you need to do this practice. The best thing about “orienting,” is that its free, and accessible anytime, anywhere. Give it a try and be curious to what might unfold.

What Brought You to Mindfulness?

Mindfulness relates to paying attention, on purpose, without judgment, and with a willingness to allow things to unfold in their own time. This contemplative practice won’t take away burdens, cure physical or emotional illness, resolve conflicts, or protect anyone from pain. So why do it?

From my experience, the formal and informal practices of mindfulness help me recognize problems for what they are. Taking a mindful pause allows me to sit with conflict a little more constructively, and make choices that feel more helpful. I experience life with greater attention, with less judgment, and less reactivity. I still have to work problems out, but bearing witness to my own experiences helps me get it right far more often than wrong!

My personal journey towards mindfulness was rather indirect. I was introduced to the idea of the present moment during my yoga-teacher training in 2007. My yoga instructor travelled to India as a young man and was trained in the Iyengar and Ashtanga systems of yoga. Both of these yoga traditions are closely tied to a philosophical understanding of the world that is much more profound than the physical practice of asana (yoga poses). This training included learning about and integrating yoga philosophy into everyday life, as well as learning how to cue different yoga postures. It was like a door opened up and I was ushered in to a whole new way of being!

In the beginning, I found the notion of “living in the present” very agitating. For some unexplained reason I associated being mindful with being selfish. I really had to read about mindfulness, think about what it means, ask questions, wonder with curiosity, and finally, I had to experience it to truly understand its power. I still find a sense of freedom when connected to the present. Here is my story:

http://www.thrivepsychotherapyllc.com/blog/2018/7/19/finding-mindfulness-on-the-up-escalator

What brought you to mindfulness?

With warm regards,

Rebecca

Finding Mindfulness On the Up-Escalator

It happened in the middle of winter many years ago while riding an up-escalator. I was returning from a coffee break, and going back to the world in which I worked for years. For whatever reason, my mind was consumed in negative thoughts about me, events from my past, and bad choices that only I was responsible for making. In other words, my inner-critic was working overtime. Ruminating on why I did this, why I didn’t do that, and all the “should have-could have-would have” thoughts that kept emerging in between. Sound familiar?

As I approached the top of the escalator, I looked down to exit carefully when the most amazing thing occurred. In that very moment, I consciously noticed my two feet on the escalator and felt an immediate sense of relief. I thought, “I am here, on the up-escalator! I don’t have to be in those terrible thoughts.” What an unexpected sense of vitality to finally understand the power of the present moment and experience what it feels like to be right here, right now.

As human beings, our minds are designed to think, plan, evaluate, and all kinds of other fascinating cognitive processes. But when your inner critic takes over, or when you find yourself ruminating on something that happened in the past, or worrying obsessively about something that hasn’t happened yet…. Take a moment and look down at your feet. With intention, notice, really notice, where your body is, in that specific moment.  Put words to this noticing.  “I’m in a meeting. I’m playing with my child. I’m golfing, running, or walking. I’m in a conversation with my friend."

Wherever you are, that is where you need to be. The present moment is your moment of greatest power. Leverage your own greatness by paying attention, on purpose, and connecting to the present throughout your day.

And the next time you find yourself on an up-escalator, please enjoy the ride!

Slow, paced breathing.... Find your calm, even in chaos

Regardless of whether you experience gripping anxiety, or find yourself uncomfortably nervous before a big presentation, slow, paced breathing can be your secret weapon to feeling calmer, clear-headed, and more in control. 

Inhale for five seconds.... Exhale for five seconds.... Repeat.... That's it!  

I've often shared this practice with patients to help them manage difficult emotions such as anxiety or anger. First, we work on cultivating an awareness of what it feels like when the difficult emotion starts to emerge. For some, this might mean feeling hot, nauseous, or short of breath. Others notice their hands start to sweat, or their heart begins to pound, or they freeze and can't move at all. 

Second, we practice slow, paced breathing together, so they learn how to do this practice in a way that it will be most helpful. We sit up tall, with both feet on the floor, and with hands in the lap. Some individuals enjoy closing the eyes, others prefer to keep their eyes open. Either way is fine as long as it feels comfortable. We practice paying attention, on purpose, to the feel of the breath as it moves through the body... inhaling for five seconds, exhaling for five seconds, and repeating the process for 10 breath cycles. 

Third, I give suggestions for a regular practice while at home, at school, or at work. It's your call as to how much time you give this practice ... one minute, two minutes or 10 minutes.  I often suggest using a timer so you don't have to worry about counting breaths or how much time has passed. What's really important is not how long you practice, but that you practice, especially when you're not feeling overwhelmed.  The more you practice when you're feeling fine, the more accessible slow, paced breathing will be when you need it most. 

Finally, the moment you feel your physical symptoms of anxiety or anger emerge, start to slow things down internally. Pay attention, on purpose, and begin to breathe with intention... Inhale for five seconds.. Exhale for five seconds.. Repeat..

Connect to your calm even in the chaos of everyday life. It'll be your little secret.

For more information on this mindfulness practice, click on the following link:

https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/kzxe83/this-breathing-exercise-can-calm-you-down-in-a-few-minutes?utm_source=vicefbus

Mindfulness Madness: Its Everywhere!

Mindfulness is everywhere; yet starting a mindfulness practice can be daunting, full of frustration, and ripe with doubt about whether or not you are doing it right. The following post shares answers to five of the most commonly asked questions by those new to the practice.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is paying attention on purpose, with openness, curiosity. It involves accepting things as they are in the moment, and without judgment. Although it’s a state of mind we can all access, its more readily available with a regular, daily practice.

What do you mean by a mindfulness practice?

Living mindfully is easier said than done! Think of all the times you might be lost in thought, high-jacked by your internal critic, or worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. These are often patterned ways of thinking that actually cause more suffering than provide any sense of relief.

It takes practice to change patterns of thinking, like it takes practice to gain status in any notable activity. Think about it… Weight lifters need to lift successively heavier weights in order to achieve greatness in their sport. Marathon runners need to run long distances on a regular basis to survive their grueling 26.2mile competitions. Pianists, guitarists, drummers, and any other musician needs to practice endlessly to achieve fame or first chair status.

Practicing mindfulness makes being mindful more routine!

What are different ways of practicing mindfulness?

Mindfulness can be practiced formally or informally.

The most common formal mindfulness practice is mindfulness meditation. Sitting in stillness, paying attention on purpose to the feel of the inhales and the feel of the exhales of your breath, noticing when your thoughts take you somewhere else, and kindly redirecting your attention back to your breath… again, and again…  Its like bicep curls for the brain and breaks up the patterned ways of thinking by cultivating greater attention and concentration on a single anchor. Another benefit of meditation is that focused breathing often engages the relaxation response naturally, so many individuals feel calm and refreshed afterwards.

Informal mindfulness practices refer to paying attention on purpose to any activity in daily living such as work presentations, exercising, walking the dog, eating, writing a paper, washing dishes and most importantly, actively tuning in to interactions with family members, friends, or colleagues.

Inviting mindfulness into your life might feel strange or even frustrating in the beginning. With practice, being more present, without the need to judge or constantly evaluate, opens the door to living with less reactivity, more fulfilling relationships, more attuned parenting, and the possibility of greater joy.

How can I meditate when my mind keeps thinking about other things?

The human mind is designed to think. During meditation, the mind will always move towards other thoughts and this is normal, even for experienced meditators. The idea isn’t to stop your mind from thinking. The idea is to begin to notice the moment your thoughts take you elsewhere, notice where they took you, and redirect your attention back to your breath (or whatever anchor you are using). In a mindfulness meditation practice, failure is actually a success! Your mind takes you away, you notice where it took you without judging, and come back to the breath, over and over again. This IS the practice. This IS the bicep curls for your brain. This IS what cultivates attention, focus, and peace of mind.

In daily living, just think about how many times you aren’t paying attention, how anxiety can quickly overwhelm you, the ways in which your inner critic impacts your confidence, or how susceptible you might be to reactive behaviors. Cultivating self awareness and attention through mindfulness practices, can help you notice the inattention or notice emotions as they emerge, so you can be more grounded, more in control, and respond in ways that are helpful.

What if I need to move my body during the meditation?

Then move your body. Get more comfortable. And begin again!

Sit up tall, in a dignified, but not too rigid way. Reconnect to noticing the connection between your body and the chair or cushion beneath you. Reconnect to the feel of the breath as it moves through your body.  When your thoughts take you elsewhere, kindly notice where they took you and come back to the breath, again and again and again.

Morning Rituals...

Nice article about morning rituals to stay grounded and open to the events of the day... What are your rituals for self-care? Let me know at rstrauss@thrivepsychotherapyllc.com

I'd love to hear from you.

Warm regards,

Rebecca

http://fortune.com/2017/04/27/leadership-career-advice-morning-routine-meditation-yoga-boxing/

“So, what exactly do you do, and how can it help me?”

These are two questions commonly asked by those new to therapy.  My answer is simple. “It’s not really what I do; it’s what we do together that will encourage your own growth and transformation.”

That said, a helpful therapeutic relationship can make you feel more alive, more connected, and more secure. The way we work together can help you feel listened to and understood in ways that strengthen how you feel about yourself. It can help you figure out ways to tolerate stress with less distress. It can help you navigate significant transitions and work through feelings of sadness and loss.  Feeling validated and responded to can create space for healing from toxic, deeply engrained effects of trauma and other early experiences. It can help you find your own voice and break down barriers that prevent you from achieving your true potential.  The work we do in our therapy relationship can help you gradually change longstanding patterns of thinking or behaving, and ultimately, improve the way you navigate life. 

If you are curious and motivated, therapy can be a very rewarding experience.  Very often, you get to meet the person you've always wanted to be!

For a confidential phone consultation, please contact me at 224-408-0115, or email me at: rstrauss@thrivepsychotherapyllc.com